Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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