How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
