I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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