i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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