how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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