I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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