Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
