Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
