your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
