now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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