Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
