What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
