just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
