You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
