Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize