try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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