im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
