pop tarts are not kleenex
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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