is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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