I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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