the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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