So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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