Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
