I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Panties = found
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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