You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
