I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
