She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
