i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
