I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
