I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
