why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
