Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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