I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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