where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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