mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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