shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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