Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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