so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
