OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
