id be glad to
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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