I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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