You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dick very happy bro
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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