My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
