you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize