I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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