i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
