So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
