Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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