Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
