Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize