We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
