if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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