listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
