Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
