it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
