I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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