what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
