wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
