so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
