things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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