Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
