im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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